Useful Definitions By Emailing Experts...

Love affairs: 
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test. 

Marriage: 
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master 

Divorce: 
Future tense of marriage 

Lecture: 
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either. 

Conference: 
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. 

Compromise: 
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. 

Tears: 
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower... 

Dictionary: 
A place where divorce comes before marriage. 

Conference Room: 
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. 

Ecstasy: 
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before. 

Classic: 
A book which people praise, but do not read. 

Smile: 
A curve that can set a lot of things straight. 

Office: 
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. 

Yawn: 
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. 

Etc: 
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. 

Committee: 
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. 

Experience: 
The name men give to their mistakes. 

Atom Bomb: 
An invention to end all inventions. 

Philosopher: 
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. 

Diplomat: 
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. 

Opportunist: 
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river. 

Optimist: 
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet. 

Pessimist: 
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY 

Miser: 
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. 

Father: 
A banker provided by nature. 

Criminal: 
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught. 

Boss: 
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. 

Politician: 
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. 

Doctor: 
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.



-- Slightly extracted from an email which i got from one of my friends --

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